Let me start by saying that having a baby is wonderful. And there are a lot of pros to it than cons. Though it is not a cakewalk raising kids, it is no doubt satisfying. However, there are many couples who tend to have baby or babies for the wrong reasons. Nowadays parents are under a lot of pressure to do things the right way and at the right time. They want to fit in with their peers and as such this pressure can lead people and mostly couples into doing things they are not ready for. Such is the case with having a baby.
When you decide to have a baby, you as couples should come to a decision together. When both the partners are fully confident mentally, physically, emotionally, and financially and are prepared for all the good and ugly things associated with it then only they should have a baby. The urge to have a baby should not stem from the fact that your friends have them or out of family or peer pressure. It is good to remember that raising a baby is hard and every level brings with it a certain level of difficulties. You need to be ready and prepared for all these. It is wrong on the part of parents to have children for the wrong reasons which will eventually lead to hurting the children later on in life.
Let us look at some of the wrong reasons to have a baby and why you should not have kids based on these reasons.
1. Don’t have kids to save your marriage:
If you are married and unhappy in it, then having a child is not the solution to strengthen the bond. Having kids entails a lifelong responsibility. It should be a choice and not something forced upon couples by parents or society. While it is true that having a family makes you whole, however, not having them also does not mean you are not whole. Parenthood is difficult and it takes a toll on even the strongest of relationships. So think before bringing another living being to this world especially if your own marriage or relationship is hitting the rocks.
2. Don’t have babies because your parents want them to:
It is very common to answer questions from your parents or relatives in the family as to when you are going to have kids. However, it is you and your husbands/ partner’s decision as to whether you want to have kids or not. And not because your parents want to become grandparents.
When you have kids, you as parents are responsible for their well-being from the start till the end. Your parents or anyone for that matter will not look after your kid. They may babysit your child for a few hours, but in the end, it is your responsibility and no one else is going to fulfill them. So to take on a lifetime of responsibility so that your parents can have kids during holidays or any occasion feels like a prejudiced request and it is certainly a wrong reason to have a baby in the first place.
3. You will face questions such as “Don’t you want to see your bloodline grow”:
Let’s set things straight. We do not hail from some royal bloodline that we need to preserve and protect our lineage. I mean what’s so special about our lineage that we need to reproduce in order to save it from extinction. Everybody nowadays has some form of illness, be it physical or mental. And to pass on these shitty genes to our next generation does not seem the right thing to do. To think about it, the persons who care so much about their bloodline( especially our parents) will not even be alive to see their grandchildren. So what is the great furor about safeguarding our precious lineage?
We must remember that we all belong to the same species and to think of one’s bloodline as being superior in itself is morally and scientifically wrong. There will be others who consider carrying their bloodline as a matter of pride. Fine, it is their decision. But the very act of having children under the pretext of passing the bloodline is really selfish and absolutely useless and archaic in modern times.
4. You will have no one to look after you when you are old:
I think when we bring a child to this world, we just bring him/her out of love and not because they would look after us when we are old. It is a fact that having kids won’t keep you from being lonely when you are old. If you have a kid with the selfish motive that they would be our caretakers when our prime has withered then you are wrong. What is the guarantee that your children will look after you when they grow up?
There is always the possibility that once your kids grow up, have a job, and get married they will leave the nest along with their parents. They may visit you at times but we as parents are still going to be lonely when old. This has nothing to do with having kids.
So rather than hoping that your kids will look after you when old, it is best to save money for yourself and not spend everything on your kid. This way you will not become a burden to them. We should keep in mind that we should not love our child with terms and conditions and neither should expect our children to be an emotional first aid for their parents. This is a recipe for disaster and not at all a good way of raising a kid.
5. Peer pressure and the need to fit in society:
Man is a social animal and we have this innate need to fit in well with others in society. We tend to follow what others do and this makes things difficult when we try to break out of the cycle and do things a little differently. This is what happens to married couples who do not want to have kids. They are afraid that people and society will shun and stigmatize them if they decided to not have a child.
This is however not a healthy stimulus to commit to parenting. Not having children doesn’t make a woman “less of a woman”. Another reason why we tend to follow the herd is also to prove our sexual maturity and effectiveness to society. If a woman hasn’t given birth to a baby, then her female role as bestowed by society seems to be incomplete. While getting the wife pregnant is a sign of virility for the husband. All these reasons and arguments are wrong motivators for any couple to have kids and thus should not be accepted.
6. Your biological clock is ticking:
This is something that we hear day in and day out, “our biological clock is ticking”. What does this even mean? That women who reach a certain age need to have children before their fertility begins to go down.
Does this even hold true?
If you are not ready to become parents both physically or mentally, there is no reason that people should pester you with comments about your biological clock ticking as if you are some sort of a time bomb. If you do not have kids by so and so age you will never be able to have kids ever again. Even though a woman’s fertility doesn’t go down until the age of 35, there are studies that show that it varies from woman to woman. Science has progressed a lot and even though if you cannot reproduce naturally, there are other ways of having a baby. So let us stop pestering people with this biological clock sh*t as this is truly a wrong way to make someone have kids.
7. All your friends have kids so you too need one:
You see your best friend having a baby and you too feel as though you need to have one. This is logically true yet, if you are unsure of it or have made this decision at the spur of the moment then it can lead to disasters. Children are fun to play with, but when it comes to your own self, having to manage a baby takes a lot of patience and perseverance. Babies can make your nerves wreck and you will at one point or the other feel that not having a baby would have been better.
So when you see your friends or someone younger than you have kids, don’t rush to the decision that you too need to have one. There may be instances where you may feel left out socially in a family gathering or with friends with kids. Let this not drive you to have a baby. It is better to wait and have a baby when you are fully ready for it from all aspects -financially, physically, emotionally, and mentally.
Having the decision to have children is something irreversible. You cannot undo the whole baby thing just because you thought that they will be cute and easy to raise. In reality, everybody faces some difficulties when it comes to raising a kid. Every day it’s a new challenge and you will have to be prepared for it whether you like it or not. So don’t rush into it or take the wrong decision of having kids based on societal, family or peer pressure. If you are married then give some time for your relationship to grow and mature. If you then feel that you are ready for this big leap of having kids then take the leap and enjoy it, rather than falling and tumbling with ineptitude.
I hope this article made you think about all the wrong reasons as to why you should not have kids. I have listed 7 wrong reasons to have a baby which people usually fall prey to. If you feel there are some other wrong reasons to have a baby, then comment below and let us know. Like the article, and share with it your friends and family.