Who is a Helicopter Parent? Causes, Consequences and More

Helicopter Parent is not a medical or a psychological term but has been in existence since the time of baby boomers. He or she is a parent who pays close attention to the child’s every activity and problem – the day to day life activities and also that involves the child’s education. They observe what the child is doing, how he is feeling, and the experiences he is going through, very closely. They are also called Cosseting Parents or Cosseters, as they tend to care for their children in an overindulgent way.

A helicopter parent is referred to with such a name as they tend to ‘hover over’ his/her child constantly, monitoring his or her every action. By doing so, the parent aims to appear and rescue his child before something bad happens. In addition to monitoring, they also try to take control of the child’s actions and decisions and force opinions on the child, leading to an extreme case of such types of parents.

This article deals with different aspects of a Helicopter Parent, finally closing with a note on how to avoid such a style of parenting.

Does Any Parent Become a Helicopter Parent by Choice?

Nobody plans or decides to become a Helicopter Parent. These parents, like every other, have their best intentions at heart. They want to be involved in their children’s lives and they want their children to feel safe and supported always. They want the best for their children and in the process of making them feel loved, they tend to overprotect and over-parent somewhere along the way.

Why Helicopter Parenting is Bad?

Such parents, in the name of helping and being present for their children all the time, begin to micromanage their children’s lives. As E.M. Forster quoted, ‘Spoon feeding, in the long run, teaches us nothing but the shape of the spoon’, such kind of parenting, in the long run, might not teach children how to face challenges of life.

Essentially, helicopter parenting discourages self-reliance and independence and undermines confidence and resilience, which are very important traits that we want our children to exhibit in their adulthood.

Causes

1.Fear of the child’s future

If the child doesn’t perform well in sports or academics or any field in his childhood, his parents tend to worry and fear about the what-ifs of the future – what if the child fails, what if the child doesn’t get a good course or college, what if he falls back in line when compared to his peers, what if he doesn’t succeed and on and on. The uncertainty about the child’s future pushes them to hover around each and everything of what the child does. They jump into the picture now so that they can prevent the child to face struggles in the future.

2. Anxiety and Worry

Some parents become too emotional and fall apart if they see their child lose, hurt or disappointed. Therefore, they would do everything in their control to prevent such happenings.

3. Life’s Purpose

Some parents tend to identify themselves with the child’s accomplishments. The child’s success makes them feel like a better parent.

4. Peer Pressure

Peer pressure is common among adults too, as much as in children. When the parent is surrounded by others who advocate a similar kind of parenting, essentially tasting success through their child’s achievements, it tends to cause pressure to imitate this style of helicopter parenting. Fear of being judged that they are not good parents takes them over to transform into one.

5. Compensating for their Childhood

If the parent has been raised in an atmosphere where he was not loved enough and he had felt neglected, such a parent swears that he would never want to give such a life to his children. This is very appreciable, but they might go overboard and try to smother the child by constantly looking after them.

Characteristics

1. They hover over the child always and jump into a situation to take control of it, when they sense something wrong or bad.

2. When the child is struggling for a solution, they tend to fix it and make it easier for their child. They don’t want to see the child struggle.

3. They worry about the child’s safety incessantly.

4. They often tend to give more restrictions to the child in comparison to his or her peers.

5. They tend to get more anxious about anything related to the child.

6. They fail to enjoy the present moment with their child, with pangs of worry constantly on their mind.

7. They fail to trust their child’s capability of handling what they can, on their own.

Advantages

It is bad, but not all that bad, as every parent would only wish good for his or her children. In the case of helicopter parents, they just tend to overdo what is required out of them for a healthy upbringing.
To some degree, helicopter parenting is beneficial. Anything in life has its pros and cons and striking the right balance is all that it needs.

Some of the merits are :

1.The child feels seen

In an era where both the parents work and tend to spend less time with their kids, such helicopter parents make the child feel seen. These children feel that they are constantly on watch and hence feel secured to have someone to fall back on.

2.The child feels supported

As the children develop a feeling of security, they want to venture out trying their hands on new activities, without the fear of failure. Since they see their parents as a safety net, they carry the feeling that they are always supported. This is both encouraging and reassuring for the child.

3.The child will be exposed to a wide variety of activities

Since the child feels safe and supported in their parents’ hands, they do not hesitate to broaden and diversify their interests to many, rather than sticking on to specific interests and hobbies. Their parents also tend to push them to try new things, as they assure them that they are always present for the child if the child fails. This helps the child develop different skills.

Consequences

The consequences of continuous helicopter parenting could be visibly seen during the teen and adolescent years of a child and sometimes even during childhood when the parent is not immediately available for help and support.

1. The child might feel low on self-esteem and self-confidence.

2. The child might be on constant self-doubt of his abilities, as they have never been in a situation to figure out something on their own.

3. The child might feel that their parents don’t trust them with their decisions, when in a situation where their decision is a result of an unapproved dominating interest.

4. The child might not develop enough resilience to get up and face the challenges of life.

5. Due to low resilience, there are high chances that the child might face anxiety problems, leading to depression.

6. The child might get too rigid to accept failures as a part of life.

7. The child might have poor coping skills and problem-solving skills.

8. The child might lack conflict resolution skills, as he or she didn’t have to manage failures and overcome them.

Though all the consequences are mentioned for a child, it is apt to indicate that he or she happens to face major effects of being ‘helicoptered’ through their teens and as they grow into an adult.

How to Avoid Helicopter Parenting

Being not a helicopter parent doesn’t mean that one loves the child less and becomes a less involved parent. That is probably the first step towards the change.

1. Instead of focusing on the present, try to look at the long term effects of a helicopter parent, which might be adverse.

2. Resist and bite back the urge to swoop down into a situation to fix things for the child and instead, assist them to find the solution.

3. If the child is old enough for certain activities, then let them do it. Do not intervene or rather overlook, just to offer help if required.

4. Let the child take age-appropriate decisions.

5. Allow the child to fail, fall and get up on their own so that they learn resilience and coping skills.

6. Teach them life skills like cooking, cleaning, etc.,

7. If the child has a quarrel with, say, a friend, and let them resolve it on their own. They get to learn conflict resolution skills.

At a holistic level, to avoid ‘helicoptering’, take a step back, observe and assist the children as much as you can but not lead the way and control their lives.
Happy Parenting!

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