Who is a homemaker? If you are looking for a short answer here it is. According to the Cambridge dictionary, a homemaker is a person who manages a home and often raises children instead of earning money from a job. Please note that It is a gender-neutral word for someone who primarily takes care of his/her household without doing any other job. But, this word, homemaker, is usually used interchangeably with the word housewife. However, the idea of taking care of a household as a principal occupation is in the heart of the word rather than whether or not one is working elsewhere. This is reflected in the description used at dictionary.com, Merriam-webster dictionary, and Wikipedia. Read on to know more about the Importance of a homemaker and the challenges she faces.
I am a homemaker…
I was never a career-oriented person from the beginning. But I valued work as a means to find my independence. Before I was married, I was working as a content writer. After five years when I got pregnant, I had to give up work completely as I had a lot of complications relating to my pregnancy. My baby was born preterm and was low birth weight along with IUGR. So my focus was totally and 100 % on my baby and nothing else. I struggled to take care of my baby in the initial days and only after a few months had passed that I was able to get hold of my new life as a mom and understand the importance of a homemaker.
Now that I was out of the working mother’s circle I was no longer part of their conversation. I would no longer fit in their conversation as they would chatter only about their work life. The way they would boast about juggling their work-life along with their family made me and other mothers who were not working feel that we are inconsequential and insignificant. So let me take you through the importance of a homemaker and some of the challenges which I have faced over the period of some years and how people look down upon full-time mothers and homemakers.
Family vs Career
Whenever there is a working mother vs homemaker debate the discussion of family vs career always crops up. As I had given up work before I was trying to conceive, there was always a voice telling me that I shouldn’t have done that. I should have stayed with my job as long as we did not have a baby. But I did. I do not regret my decision of not working but at times I feel having your own financial security is very important. But I also feel that family is more important than a career. So my decision to quit my job comes from this fact that no matter what, jobs will come and go, but the family needs more time. I have seen many families tear apart because one or the other was giving more priority to their career.
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Challenge of Stay at home moms
There are a plethora of answers when you ask people about stay at home moms. Whatever reason you choose to leave your job and become a stay at home mom, it should not be out of guilt or peer pressure. Also, one should not underestimate the importance of a homemaker. While some people are understanding and think that being a full-time mom and a homemaker can be a tough job. There are others who feel that mothers who stay at home looking after their kid or kids are lazy. They even say that mothers have all the time in the world to spare. I think such people who have kids or who don’t do not realize that being a mother in itself is a full-time job. A mother has to clean the house, have to do with cooking and other chores besides looking after her kid. So to say that a mother or a stay at home mom has all the time in the world or is lazy just shows that they have forgotten about their own times.
Another thing which people constantly think about mothers and homemakers who do not work is that their husbands earn a boatload of money. It is true that when two people earn, the quality of life becomes better. But a mother does not just stop working because her husband is filthy rich. Sometimes she makes the choices given the circumstances. If a mother with a kid doesn’t have a reliable nanny or a maid to help her out, then how can she think about leaving the baby and start her job. There may be plenty of occasions where money may be tight. Many working mothers has to work in order to meet the expenses so that the whole family can live off well. She may not work to show the world her capabilities or her accomplishments.
Identity Crisis and Peer Pressure
This is a very serious question which mothers and stay-at-home moms come across. After having a baby your life changes a lot. If you have been a multi-tasker before, you may think that managing a baby would be a piece of cake. In reality, it isn’t the case. Raising a kid is like playing video games. Every level brings about a new challenge. Your whole thing will revolve around your baby and you will probably not have the time to think about anything else except your baby. The thought of going back to work will probably make your lungs close with dread.
Being a housewife and a mother is a fulfilling job. Yet, it is also a non-rewarding job that comes with no appreciation. People do not value the time and energy which homemakers take to make sure everything runs properly. From grocery shopping to the everyday chores, to doing the laundry and not to forget running around the kids, how can someone question on the identity of a mother or a housewife.
Another reason for mothers and stay at home moms like me to do something comes from the fact that we are in a lot of peer pressure. As you socialize with other moms who are working, you tend to feel left out or out of conversation topics as they tend to talk about their work and jobs. And when they do ask about you the questions that come is “what do you do at home all the time”. Most people who have asked me this question think that I do not get out of the house.
Being a mother or a homemaker does not mean that you are living in social Siberia. We tend to go out as much as possible, hang out with friends and go for occasional dinner or lunches. It is true that unlike our old self, we do not have the liberty or flexibility to do something spontaneously. But that doesn’t mean that we spent our whole day looking at soaps and serials.
Self Esteem Issues
There are also issues relating to low self-esteem and self-worth when it comes to being a mother or a stay at home mom. Societal pressures make the mothers feel as though they cannot win if they are carrying a diaper bag all day. It’s during such moments that we should remember that just because your work is not visible it doesn’t mean that it’s not valuable. Have you ever noticed when a mother falls ill, how the whole family descends into chaos. It is this fundamental remembrance of this truth that will make all the difference to your self-esteem. We have to realize that what we are doing is valuable and no amount of backlash from anyone who says otherwise should let us down.
Debate on Working mother vs homemaker makes no sense
Whether you are a working woman or a stay-at-home mom, stop labeling someone just because the choices that one of us made don’t comply with you. A working mother may want to spend more time with her kids. But maybe due to financial problems, she needs to work and is unable to give time to her kids. While a stay-at-home mom has all the time for her child but may not be able to work for some family-related problems. It is entirely an individual’s decision and to pass judgments because she is not having a job, nobody gets the right of pleasing their puny souls by marking homemakers as someone worth having no identity and self-esteem.
Mothers and homemakers in the current age have to deal with a lot. In the earlier times when women went to work, she had to convince her in-laws about her preference. If she was lucky and had supportive in-laws then things would be easier on her. But there were still others who would raise their eyebrows at the prospect of you going to work like your husband.
In today’s time, even though the trend of asking for your in-law’s permission is not so much needed, yet they do have a say in the matter. When your family members at home are not understanding and non-supportive then it is impossible for you to work. There are people who question a mother when she decides to resume work after she has given birth. If she does go back to work, she has to contend with taunts from her family or other members about choosing her career over the child. But that does not mean that the scenario hasn’t changed.
Today there is a significant change in the attitude toward working mothers. Mothers who work are looked with a sense of respect as she is able to contribute to the household expenses and as such elevate the quality of life. But there is still a large percentage of the population which is of the mindset that mothers should stay at home and take care of kids and domestic work. There is a general misconception that a working mother does not make a good mom. But one should understand that when a working mom is intellectually stimulated, it has a positive impact on her family and the children.
So the bottom line is that a mother and a homemaker can be great role models too. To think that only working mothers can set a good example to their children is a myth. I have been raised by a mother who chose to be a homemaker and raise me despite being talented in studies. I am also not against working women and I have the utmost respect for them as they are trying to balance their schedule in order to make time for home and family. It is really heartwarming to see that in a patriarchal society, women are pushing their boundaries and paving a way for a world where women are no longer subordinate in comparison to their male counterparts.
I have been around many women who have made it big in a discriminating environment. But at times when the conversation goes towards making being married and having a family or raising children, it is often seen that neither are they willing to do so and make sacrifices for them, they even look down on others who do so. Such people are of the opinion that homemakers live a life of subjugation and they do not have a say in anything. Mothers and homemakers do not need to have a job to teach their children the values and uncertainties of life. Mothers and homemakers who have sacrificed their lives for the betterment of their family and children deserve appreciation and as such should be looked upon by others as an inspiration and not be shunned by society or other female counterparts.
Please let me know how you feel about all these and let me know your experiences in the comment section below.
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